#while knowing this is how most people live & i'm just not up for it like my body cannot handle even just this

[thydungeongal]

Anyway this is relatively minor in the greater context of transmisogyny but sort of a demonstration of the fact that having good and inclusive policies only means so much when put up against all the rest of society being nakedly transmisogynistic.

I have been working out at a gym lately because it helps with my physical and mental health both. At this point in my transition I pretty much exclusively boymode in public and thus far the whole dressing room issue has not been an issue for me. But I recognize that at some point it is going to be both a comfort and a safety issue for me, so I've been looking for information about you know. What the policies of various service providers here in the metropolitan region of Finland are.

And the thing is, that information just isn't anywhere to be found. Like, that information does exist, but it simply isn't posted anywhere publicly. I know that the city of Helsinki has extremely inclusive and affirming policies when it comes to the use of gendered spaces in their sports and recreation services. Because I asked them through private channels (thus technically also outing myself to the person who answered my email, which just adds another layer of messed-up-ness to it). But because that information isn't posted anywhere it just doesn't actually do anything, right?

Like, I've been reading lots of literature about how trans folks, especially trans women, often don't feel comfortable in sports and recreation services for various reasons, and like I can't help but think of the fact that so much public discourse circles around how we're seen as invaders in gendered spaces, how other customers will target us with abuse and how service providers will often do very little to help us in the face of that abuse (and will often actively side with the person who finds out existence to be a threat). That is the ambient background noise we constantly live under, so we're inclined to believe that most service providers would, if a conflict should arise, take the side of a cis person who found our presence objectionable. This has actual measurable effects on trans people's health outcomes and we know a lot of the obstacles are not due to direct discrimination but due to structural and cultural obstacles.

So when some place actually does have an extremely inclusive and accommodating policy and their internal policies make it clear that their support for trans people is unequivocal and uncompromising and you know that their actual policy has got your back. It still doesn't help when that policy is nowhere to be seen.

It's always good to be critical of performative allyship. If a gym says that they welcome everyone and puts up pride flags for one month every year and then still asks a trans woman to leave the women's dressing room because a cis woman got scared, that's performative allyship. This is the opposite. These people have a clearly articulated policy that confirms that they will have your back if you're caught Exercising While Trans, but that information is nowhere to be found. I do think part of it is caution: they can't advertise that trannies are not shot on sight at their gyms because that would draw the ire of the right wing hate mob.

Anyway I'm glad the city of Helsinki is Woke and I have also relayed this information to some of the other dolls in the area, and apparently it's found its way to other queer groups here. But I have also told the lovely city employee I was in contact with that they should really have this information available somewhere, because not having it out there does represent an obstacle.

[anothertimdrakestan]

living with the batboys headcanons!

req: begging on my hands and knees for what it's like moving into an apartment w/ the batboys/yj boys. like just gimme all the domestic fluff you can think of and all the things they'd be annoying abt yk

jason:

- he would be sooo annoying just wanting to sleep on the floor and leave everything behind

- "all we need is each other! let's forget the world babe!" to which you'd remind him "jace you literally have no clothes here and i'm not letting you spoon me on the wooden floor, i need a bed!!"

- begrudgingly, your strong man would move the boxes and happily hang any high-up decorations

- under your supervision, the apartment would become beautiful

- jace would put little locks on the windows so he could crawl in at any time of night, and his red hood gear would probably be strewn around until you put it back in the closet

- friends would come over and say "love what you've done with the place" to you, and give jason a thumbs up for trying

- he'd also bolt the bed to the wall so it doesn't shake when you- you know. yeah. it's jason todd after all.

tim:

- mr. gadget definitely has a techy house, the type where you can turn the lights on with your phone and set the AC from bed

- he's be sure to get a penthouse with a view and a grass balcony. he knew how you'd always wanted a pet and somewhere breathtaking to read, while gotham isn't the most beautiful, an ocean view would do!

- he never wants to stress you out, so he'd take it upon himself to schedule movers and place furniture in the ideal style

- he'd happily push the giant IKEA cart around if it meant he got to watch you skip through the store happily pointing at the things that would make your apartment a home

- champagne and a small get together once everything was finished, he'd be unable to look at you without a little tear in his eye, he never though the universe would grace him with your warmth, he'd buy you a million more houses if it meant you'd be calling his arms your home

- after long vigilante nights he gets a little too excited guessing where you'll be in the home, watching tv on the couch, curled up in bed, trying another internet recipe- he still gets butterflies when he opens the door and smells you in the air, and his heart skips a beat when you give him the first smile of the day in the morning

- though everything was moved in efficiently, you two still take trips to art galleries and farmers markets, looking for local treasures to bring home

- when you're at a wayne ent. gala tim waits excitedly for you to say "ready to go home?" because finally, home means being together

dick:

- richard asked you way too soon to move in

- you accepted because you needed your goofball around as much as possible

- with a rented u-haul and a dream you carried your stuff together. left airpod in his ear right in yours. showtunes, rap, and pop blasting at all times

- once the apartment was passable, you both slumped into chairs with bowls of cereal

- dick was excited to invite his family over to see the new place and you couldn't help but agree

- the family had a move-in party where everyone helps unpack the final pieces

- now looking at the mantle makes you think of roy, the animal-centric artwork of damian, new computer set up had to be tim, and the beautiful silk sheets and candles in the bedroom had to be dick himself. jason did leave a half drunk bottle of brandy though which was as warm a welcome gift as you expected

- for you and dick, it was home because the people you loved were there. it was rare to get time alone, but that's how you both preferred it, wrapped in the presence of the people you care about

- they say home is where the heart is, and your heart has never been more full than it was curled up in bed with dick, watching the batboys rip each other apart- hey everyone has their own definition of peace!

damian

- damian, when he's paying attention and not thinking about one of his many pets, is scarily good at reading your mind

- the minute you started thinking "this commute is awfully long" and "wouldn't it just be better if we were in the same home?" he was signing the lease to your new dream home

- full of natural light for both of your art work and ample room for the few pets that would move with you, it was perfect

- except the "art of surprise" excited dami so much he forget to ask if you were ok with moving

- you came home to an empty room and though you were robbed

- technically you were? but ii was worth it when damian unveiled his master plan

- with a little tweaking and a few target trips, everything was perfect, and like the gentleman he was, he there would always be a driver parked outside to take you wherever you wished to go

- dami couldn't contain his excitement that you both got to create daily schedules that revolved each other, dog walks in the morning, gossiping over lunch, and exploring the city together at night. even when you went out alone, he would insist he couldn't sleep until you were at home in his arms

- though you would protest, secretly you were the same way. nighttime routines just weren't the same without those green eyes staring lovingly at your every move

[miniaturesuitgladiator]

Quarter mile at a time.

Synopsis: Bruce finds out he has another biological kid ,and not only are they a girl but the best street racer in Gotham!!

Notes: reader is described as female and black, poc ,or in this case I guess she might be mixed. I do not hate cops I just wrote them like this for the fic. So please don't take anything to personally.

Warnings: Illegal things ofc. Drugs, mentions of sex and prostitution. Child abandonment. Underage drinking and smoking and prostitution. Not proofread!!

Ride or die.

'Do you understand how much trouble your in kid?'

'Do you ever shut up?'

This was the third time this week you had gotten yourself in this position.

Handcuffed and seated infront of some cop who was writing down your statement.

Still being underaged meant you'd get away with more then adults would.

Sadly that also meant you were usually the one to take the fall for your so called 'friends'.

'You gotta help me out here kid. I'm trying to help you.'

You were sixteen. That age that people would consider 'young and dumb'.

But you knew better then to tell anything to the cops. People got hurt from doing that.

People got killed.

'Cmon kid. Your sixteen and I see you in here three times a week.'

'Don't remind me." You scoff rolling your eyes.

Cops like these almost make you feel bad. Almost. They always claim their just 'trying to do their job'. But you see through that.

You see the way they pin your friends down. Gun to their head. Cuffs tighter then needed and for what?

For power.

And with a gun to a scared kid's head they feel like they got it......

So you stay silent and give them headaches with your words.

'Well I guess all that's left to do is call your mom.'

'Go ahead and try it.'

You've seen this to many times to count. The cop tries to threaten you with him calling your mom. She doesn't answer.

They let you go. Because Gotham's got bigger problems then a kid who they don't have proof did something.

'Ya know kid. If you weren't so caught up with friends like yours you'd have a good life.'

Of course the cop would say that. By looking at your record. Your a straight A student good grades you even tutor for extra credits.

'Am I free to go?'

The cops sighs after getting nothing but a ring from you mother's phone.

'Yeah go ahead.'

You scoff standing up and grabbing your things. Smug like smile planted your face from finally being free.

'Wait.'

You hum turning back around to face the sitting cop.

'Kid, I say this with respect. Going the way your going you won't make it to twenty.'

You knew he was right. Your friends were living proof of that. Some of your friends were dead while others in prison.

More friends came but they never could beat the system.

You didn't blame them and you never would. They were trapped in a system were this felt like the only way out.

Just like you.

'Maybe that's the plan.'

Fear owned Gotham, consumed it like a virus.

Even the wealthy and powerful people slept with one eye open.

Everyone was afraid of something ,and in Gotham your worst fear was most likely to happen.

But your not really helping yourself when you go to places like this. But then again you didn't really care.

It's dark as you walk to suspiciously dark allies but you knew ever road in gotham.... just not like other people would....

By the time you reach your destination the place is already filled with people. Some drunk most high ,and more likely then not they were shit broke with nothing to lose.

So to say this place wasn't a place for a teenager was an understatement.

By now you knew who to stick around. The people who could protect got and the people who couldn't.

So you had no trouble as you walk around and greet your usual 'friends'.

It smells like smoke but not from cigarettes.

Smoke from tires rubbing against the harsh concrete. It's warm but that kind of from car engines and cigarettes.

Girls crowed around cars and boys do too. All looking for attention or money. They'd do just about anything to get cash.

Some of them were mean almost forcing men to sleep with them to get money , but others were soft much to shy to do anything like that.

You felt bad for them but you held your tongue, as both the men and women belittled them infront of you.

Most of them were older then you but some we're your age some even younger. They new you quite well.

Well just about everyone knew you.

You couldn't be seen with them though. No, you were too popular around this place to be seen with them.

You'd be considered a stupid kid to be seen with them. And in a place like this, if you're seen as a kid they'll treat you like one.

A loud voice breaks through the crowned and reaches your ears.

'Looks who's back.'

Mikey your so called 'boss' says. Mikey met you when you were dirt poor and took pity on you.

Instead of giving you money. He gave you a job. Claiming 'you gotta work for your money. Cause ain't shit free.'

Mikey owned a car shop and he taught you alot. Even stuff you shouldn't know. Like how to make a car go the fastest it can with blowing up.

Or how to hide drugs in car seats that even the best canines won't be able to smell.

Eventually he took you to your first street race and from there it clicked.

That was your passion, that was your thing.

You made him teach you stick and eventually you built your own car out of scraps.

And slowly by slowly you came up in ranks.

And bought a better car.

Thanks to Mikey of course. He got in you every race since he knew just about everyone, even the people you shouldn't know.

He started you with small races and moved you up inch by inch.

But the time you were twelve you were the best street racer in Gotham. But not everyone can take losing to a kid well.

So Mikey introduced you to his friends. So atleast you'd have their protection. Their older then you and did just about anything illegal you could think of.

But they were your protection so you didn't complain.

You smile as you see Mikeys crooked smile.

You knew he wasn't a Saint ,or anything but he was the closest thing you have as family.

He's all you got.

He used to pay your rent and bills for you until eventually you could pay them yourself.

Lord knows your mom never did....

'Hey Mikey. Where's my baby?'

'In the back. She's already ready.'

He points behind him and low and behold there she is. Your baby.

Your pink Honda S2000 covered in glitter and with rims that the moon illuminated off of.

She was perfect. The fastest thing in Gotham and it made your opponents even angrier to lose to such a feminine car.

Following Mikey to your car you walk past various people and their cars.

All different cars modified from their colors, to their shapes ,and designs that comstomize them to their owner.

It was easy walking past the cars some you admired for their creativity others you thought looked ridiculous.

Walking past the people wasn't so easy.

Some gave you a simple nod others looked you up and down clearly sizing you for the race.

Grazing your hands against the hood of your car you smile.

You never took your car home with you after a race. The cops would catch you before you could say 'shit'.

Mikey taught you that.

So instead you left it with Mikey ,and he took care of her when you weren't racing.

Opening your door and starting the engine you smile at the noise she makes. Everyone knew the sounds of your car by now. Loud, strong, and confident.

'You ready? They paying good this race.' Mikey says as he looks you over.

It was never about the money. You and Mikey new that. It was about the thrill.

The excitement of the race.

It was exhilaration you felt right before you won. It was feeling of not feeling anything for a moment.

It was the way your stomach dropped as you hit the gas half way through a curve. The way the moon shined on your dark skin and the way the chilly air felt against your face.

It was the fact that when you were racing you didn't worry about anything. Not school, not the cops, not your life, not your mom. Nothing.

It was just you and your car and that was enough....

'I'm always ready.'

The noise from the Crowed died down a bit when the racer girl announced the biggest race was about to begin. This was the most expensive race of the night so of course you were in it.

You new mostly everyone you were racing but their was one guy you didn't. No one did. You ignored that feeling that something was off about him. After all as long as he had money to pay that's all that mattered.

The race started of the same motorcycles went out and stopped the traffic and horns from the busy and annoyed people rang through the air as you raced through the city like you always did.

The roads were dark and this was definitely the fastest your car had ever gone.

You hanged in second place the unknown boy in front. But right he could pass that finish line you pushed your secret weapon. And just like always.

You won.

The Crowed was loud and people surrounded you touching you and your car. Compliments filled the air but your eyes weren't on them. No, your eyes were on the new guy.

He looked normal but something about how he acted gave him away. How he kept looking around but tried to act calm.

He wasn't a junky. No, he was dressed to nice and his car was nice enough to prove he wasn't.

He looks almost awkward but people continue talking to him. He doesn't fit In here that's clear as day when you notice how he talks. It's to nice, to cocky.

He's smart you'll give him that. Probably the best at what he does. That's probably why they sent him. He's got that kinda charm that he can smooth talk his way into anything and everything.

But if he was gonna come here he should've known what not to do. And most people are way to high and drunk to notice but you do.

His gaze always goes to people hands first.

People here didn't do that.

No, here you look at their eyes or If you like them their body.

Never their hands. People here throw their hands around but they usually don't mean any harm that's just how the express themselves.

Cops tried to read people by their hands to watch what they were gonna do before they did it.

You knew that from how much you were constantly arrested.

That's probably why most of your friends were treated harsher then necessary by cops when all they were trying to do was communicate.

'Only cops do that shit.' You mutter pushing off your car and walking over to Mikey trying to give him your keys.

'Leaving so soon?' Mikey ask his voice almost concerned but he hides that well.

You always stayed late. Because it was better then going home to empty apartment.

You nod your hands still holding your keys and eyeing the boy.

You don't say anything to Mikey about the boy being a cop incase you were wrong. But your not gonna stay here long enough incase you were right.

You toss your drink, your hand opening to give Mikey your keys but before you know it loud sirens fill the air and blue flashing lights are everywhere.

People scatters like cockroaches when you turn on the light.

Your quick to grip your keys and get in your car. Before you even know what your doing your already racing down the dark streets of Gotham.

You don't have time to count how many police cars follow behind you and for a moment you wonder if they only want you.

They probably did considering how many times you had gotten away from them.

You'd been running from cops since you started racing and on foot you weren't that fast but in your car?

They couldn't get close enough to scratch your paint.

You sigh turning off your engine and leaning your head on your steering wheel as you parked into a dark ally.

You had escaped all ten of the cops with ease but there was still that adrenaline rushing through your viens.

You don't have much time to rest though because before you can think of what to do there's a loud thumb against the top of your car.

'The fuck?' You whisper still out of breath and kinda scared.

Your head still slightly dizzy and your eyes have never been the best so this must he your imagination right?

Because there's no fucking way batman just landed on the back of your car.

You groan muttering a 'just my luck.' Under your breath and put up your hands in defeat.

Because of course your a good driver but your to tired and far to drunk to race against fucking batman himself.

He opens your door and his scowl is cold harsh.

Harsher then the criminals you face on the daily but it softens at the sight of you....

You look like a dream. Not the kind that he falls inlove with but the kind that he's supposed to know.

Someone he's supposed to remember but he cant.

He feels weird but still takes your arm and without a word puts you in the batmobil.

He decides to ignore the way you almost rip out his door handle by how hard your trying to open it.

'Even if you did get out. You won't make it far.' He says as his car automatically buckling up.

'Worth a shot.'

You huff annoyed about your situation and scared even though your trying to hide it.

'Whats your name?'

'Whats your name?' You repeat his question with a question. Ah, so you were that kinda kid.

The stubborn kind.

Well he can't judge he has a handful of stubborn kids of his own. And he thanks God for that on night like these.

It just makes it easier to talk to you.

'Tell me your name and I'll let you go.'

'Huh?'

Your surprised by the amazing deal he's offering you and really can't believe it.

He on the other hand had no real intention of handing you over to the police after all he had sent Dick their as an undercover cop to stop a big drug deal not stop a kid.

Little did he know you were the best street racer in Gotham. But he quickly figured that out as you escaped not one but ten trained cops.

You sigh telling him your name. Even if this was a trap it was worth a shot.

He unlocks the door and you uncross your arms open the door. Confused you look back at him.

'You really gonna let me go?' You ask trying to make sure that he wouldn't chase you down after this.

'A deals a deal ,kid.' He watches as you step out of the batmobil and his gaze locks onto yours as you close his door.

'See ya around, kid.' His dark voice says and something about the way he says it makes you believe it's more of a promise then just a saying.

'Hopefully not.' You mutter as you get in your car.

'Alfred I'm going to need you to check something for me.'

'B, everyone in my unit has been looking for that kid for years! Years! And you just let her go? The best street racer in Gotham and you let here go?! We didn't even know she was a girl until today!'

Dick voice echos through the batcave and Bruce's headache already forming from his sons distressed voice.

'Well being seeing her soon Dick. Calm down.'

He tries to reason with obviously irrated vigilantly.

'And how can you be so sure? What if this was are only chance?!'

Alfred sends him a knowing glance as he hands Bruce some life changing papers.

Bruce sighs rubbing his temples as he carefully reads the heavy papers in his hands.

Even going so far as rereading them just to make sure.

But eventually after reading enough and his headache intensifying he says.

'Because she's my daughter.'

💕Thanks for reading!!💕

Likes reblogs and comments are appreciated!!

[losver07]

LMFAO dwwww, i also had to check if i had responded at one point jsvfnsns

yupp i have a couple of exams left and then it's just fate ig. i'll probs have to redo some subject next year but honestly idc cause rn i'm not able to keep up

"sorry, did you literally ask if i'm on my period? do you know how sexist that is, mate? if i were a girl you'd be fuckin' dead on the floor right now, y'know. for merlin's sake, i have told you a million times, it's the moon! it's on scorpio right now, and i feel like stinting"

live laugh love timothee fucking chalamet

if someone is reading is i am so so sorry for their wasted time and very concerned for their mental health. hiii curious peopleee luv yaaa <3

situationship.... they were going to get married and a week after he burnt her stuff....... and now they're booking flights together.... idk they make me feel like shit cause they bring me into their fights. plus she's a terf and he thinks he's aristotle (he is not. he has written one (1) film. and it's lowkey crap)

nowrrrr futurama is so good oml i love all matt groening's shows bro

astigmatism besties 😭 at least we're lil cute critters

YES FR, imo there's a huge difference between not accepting trans people and trying to exterminate them. cause like, girl wtf. idk i feel like i wouldn't be so pissed at her (or at least not that angry) if she was just a terf. but no. she has to harm people and take their basic human rights away. she's literally acting like the villains in her own books

oh yea my trans babes you're safe here, we can cry and be angry together in this safe space. jkr stinks and trump is a rodeo clown and free palestine and i miss pope francis

yay the braincell bluetooth works :)

YOUR DOGGO IS THE CUTEST MOST CUTIE CUTE CUTE THING EVER IM IN LOVE

conspiracy theory: shakespeare is all of us and all of us are shakespeare (that has to be in the bible fr)

YOURE RIGHT he does give bcj vibes omggg

lmaoo i do have a fic on ao3 but i've stopped posting for a while cause i was getting way too stressed by it (yay). i've been writing stuff since 2020 tho :) it helps me with my thoughts

YOU HAVE DEERS IN YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD???? BROOO!!!!! and you met prongs irl 😭😭 also love those squirrels

tooth AND shell collection? your mum's a real one. (also they're so cool omg) i fear i only collect pins and keychains and a couple of crystals :( tho i'm saving up to buy a couple of dice sets

oh and i forgot i paint flowers. but like. my painting class teacher is both proud and sick of me lmao cause lately i just paint flowers (i love flowers) and eyes. i have an obsession with eyes too, i once filled an entire sketchbook w them lmao

LMAO yup i think the only thing keeping me in my dad's house is the books and the movie merch stuff. i love saying "i have three limited edition action figures of that film!" or "i have the annotated script to that!" idk it makes me feel smart (i am not)

WAIT YES I DO. but i think it's the depression. idk. i get that a lot tho, like "i can't move" and my brain goes blank and then someone asks what i'm thinking and they don't believe that i am literally thinking "floooooor. taaaaaableeeee. waaaaall. oooh tiiiileeeee waaaaaall."

eyyy id send you a pin if i could 😭😭 i can send you a picture if you wanna :) and yes we do NOT sell cookies (we did once. but that's cause the younger guys forgot our rule and brought snacks to sell at a lil shop they made. we also sold croquettes that day.)

awwww cute birdieeeee im glad he's fine :)

maybe we are. fuck do you think we're having a stroke? it's more fun that i thought

"my child is fine" ma'am your child prioritises memorising every single full moon that happened in 1975 over their schoolwork

[mariaofdoranelle]

Look at Us Now - ch. 29

Fic masterlist

Guys it's 3am five hours past my bedtime I'll do the header tomorrow lol

HAPPY FAKE BIRTHDAY @sirius-blacks-official-girl who 100% came up with a fake one to milk this chapter out of me.

JOKING love you Flora this chapter was so overdue I'm actually a little embarassed. But I DID write most of it on my notes app in ubers and in between classes because my studies are killing me so..

Warnings: mentions of inflation

Words: 7k

“The kids did say you have a bug up your ass today,” Fenrys said from his doorstep, somewhere between frowning and laughing at Rowan’s frazzled look. 

Perhaps he did. He did snap at the recruits more often today, and it was naive of him to think people wouldn’t notice or comment. Thankfully they had a gap in their schedule this month, hence why he and Fenrys were at Rowan’s and Aelin’s place mid-afternoon on a work day.

Rowan was well aware that soon Maisie and Fleetfoot would arrive like a tornado—one from preschool and the other from daycare—and Aelin… he didn’t even know. What he did know is that she’ll be more willing to talk about whatever she’s going through if Rowan isn’t looking like a truck just ran over him—his current state. 

His friend eyed him warily and stepped in. As annoying as Fenrys could be when he assumed his life-of-the-party persona, it didn’t get on Rowan’s nerves like when the man was being perceptive. 

He didn’t feel like talking yet and, at that moment, it was hard to tell something more unsettling than when his lifelong friend scanned his soul with bottomless onyx eyes. 

“How 's Aelin?”

Rowan didn’t answer. He didn’t know it himself.

Tired.

Those are the only five letters he gets to hear after asking her the same question.

His Fireheart seemed so tired these days, it was hard to discard a depressive episode. He even asked her if she was pregnant when Lorcan joked about it last week, but she said it was unlikely, and Rowan was getting ahead of himself.

He wouldn’t dare hope. It was too soon, and Maisie was a handful already. As much as he wanted more children, they had more things to do before that—actually, just one specific thing that required something shiny to bribe her with.

If Aelin was pregnant, she’d tell him. She told him without any delay and in worse circumstances last time, so he knew she would. What unsettled him was her history of not telling him when she was struggling.

Isn’t this why they parted ways, after all? 

Her being too closed off while he was too dumb to pull his head out of his ass and see her? Well, Aelin’s still clinically depressed, and Rowan’s still an idiot—they just have it more under control now.

Instead of explaining his inner turmoil, he said, “Your old room is hers now. You’re getting your shit out of there while I remodel it.” 

This being the reason why Fenrys was summoned here in the first place. Rowan needed more room for Aelin, and his ex-roommate’s was five years too late to get the rest of his things.

Fenrys mock-flinched, his hand on his chest in a wounded gesture. 

Rowan hardened his expression to get the message across. He wasn’t kidding. For the past years, he’d been asking Fenrys to finish moving out and change his address everywhere that mattered—not only his delivery app.

“I live here with my daughter, and now I’m making room for my…” Girlfriend? The word didn’t feel like enough. “Life partner. I don’t have room for your birth certificate anymore, neither for those old, hideous pants you swear will be trendy again.”

Fenrys squinted at Rowan, common sense fighting the man’s stubbornness until he said, “Fair enough.”

His former roommate whistled when he saw Rowan’s work. “I don’t remember this room being quite this nice, Rowie.”

He shrugged. “That’s just me stress-building.”

Rowan has been not-so-secretly working on a room for Aelin ever since she started showing signs of depression again. He’s keeping it locked so as to not spoil the surprise—she hasn’t commented on it, so neither did he.

It was the very least he could do. They’ve had the conversation where she asked him to take their relationship slow millions of times, and as much as Rowan respected her decision, he didn’t work hard enough to respect this boundary of hers, even if he did know that routine changes can trigger a depressive episode. 

Moving in together after barely four months. Who does that?

Rowan used to feel like everything would be fixed if he managed to rekindle his romantic relationship with Aelin. It’s a bitter realization that they’re still the same flawed people that tore each other apart.

He was supposed to be working through and letting go of his guilt, but how could Rowan do that if his failings kept creeping back into the present like this?

But he had furniture to assemble, and that’s what he wanted to focus on for now—at least until he and Aelin could find some time to talk. 

Fenrys’ whistle snapped him back into reality. 

“A bookcase, huh?”

“Yep.”

His friend smirked. “Because she made you?”

“No, because she’ll like it, and now I’m making you help me with it.“

Fenrys cackled. “I was called to retrieve my things, now I’m helping with the room too?”

Rowan meant business when he texted his friend, but now he was glad Fenrys was here.

“How long will it take to empty half a closet into your car?” Rowan taunted with a raised brow. 

A playful sigh while the man unlocked his phone. “I guess Dorian can walk Calvin and Klein alone.”

~~

All of Rowan’s problems evaporated with Aelin’s cheek pressed against his shoulder blades, her arms wrapping his torso from behind while he mixed what was about to become some veggie-loaded chicken nuggets for dinner.

His girls weren’t good at eating their vegetables, but that just meant he needed to be creative at hiding them in the dishes—a practice he mastered a while ago, when Maisie was a toddler.

Aelin leaned on the kitchen island and looked over at where Maisie hung out with Fleetfoot, making a mess under the kitchen table because both parents were too tired to argue. 

“Should we have that talk now?” She asked, dreading to leave their frail happy bubble.

“I think we’ve delayed it enough.”

Aelin nodded. “Should I start, or…?”

“Go ahead.”

She detangled herself from him and said to Maisie, “Honey, can you come here for a sec?”

“I can’t! I’m busy playing,” the little girl said without taking her attention off Fleetfoot.

“Maisie,” Rowan dragged out her name in a stern tone, his patience thin with everything going on these days. “Your mother gave you an order.”

His daughter’s spine straightened. Sensing they meant business, she crawled from under the table and approached them with her arms crossed, not quite looking them in the eye.

Rowan had no idea where Maisie learned that grumpiness from. Aelin kissed the top of her head to lighten the mood, a silent sign of appreciation for the reluctant compliance.

She asked, “How’s that teeth looking, hun?”

Maisie was about to lose her first baby tooth, and it’s been quite the event at their home. Aelin was weirdly excited about it, and he let her take the lead in this. 

Rowan had barely gotten over her first baby tooth growing—his throat swelled every time he thought too hard about the fact that enough time had passed for her to lose it.

The little girl opened her mouth wide and aaahed obediently.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to pull it out?” Aelin asked while gently wiggling the tooth to inspect it, her body vibrating with the need to yank that tooth off Maisie’s head.

The tooth was—quite literally—hanging by a thread, but Maisie didn’t want to pull it out yet. While parenting sometimes meant ordering, they did their best to honor her consent regarding her own body. Maisie didn’t have the authority to decide when she could brush her teeth, but she’d decide when to yank them off.

On the other hand, there was Aelin. A little butcher lived inside his Fireheart—one that cuts people open for a living—and she was itching to rip that tooth off. If Rowan had any to spare, he’d let her take it off just to see that special glimmer her eyes get when she’s thrilled.

At her mother’s suggestion, Maisie took a step back and frantically shook her head, eyes wide and mouth closed.

“Today at school Bree said she ripped it out too soon because she wanted the money, and it hurt a lot and she only got the money three—” Maisie held up three fingers as close to their faces as possible for emphasis. “days later because the tooth fairy got mad at her for it.”

Aelin’s lips thinned. Rowan couldn’t tell if Sellene was a genius, or if he wanted to throttle her for being behind the reason Maisie was scared to pull out her tooth.

He crouched to reach his daughter’s eye level and explained that her tooth was loose enough, so she wouldn’t be pulling it just for the money. “I’m sure the tooth fairy will understand. I used to yank out my own teeth when I was your age and she never delayed my pay.”

Aelin enthusiastically endorsed everything he said.

“The rules aren’t the same anymore, Daddy.” Maisie frowned, as serious as she could be. “You were a kid, like, at least a hundred years ago. The Tooth Fairy probably had to ride a dinosaur to your house.”

He blinked. Did his five-year-old just call him old? Aelin’s cackle in the background confirmed it. 

Mid-thirties wasn’t that old, right?

Rowan went back to making dinner before it got too late, and the girls decided to help him to roll the mixture into a ball and flatten it into a nugget shape.

Aelin continued, “I can write her an email clarifying the situation, how does that sound?”

Maisie took a moment to think, rolling the soon-to-be nugget from hand to hand and nodded. “Can you ask her how much I’ll get? Because she’s not paying the same to my friends at school.”

“The amount she gives you depends on how well you take care of your teeth for her,” Aelin said with a pointed look, the implication about the fact that Maisie doesn’t like to brush her teeth hanging in the air. His Fireheart was a genius.

“How do you know this?” Maisie squinted her eyes at her mom.

“I’m a mom. I know things you don’t.” Aelin nonchalantly shaped the nugget, pretending she wasn’t aware she just posed herself as a mysterious source of wisdom in all things childhood folklore.

“Okay,” Maisie dragged out the word while giving her mom a skeptical look. “Do you know how much she’ll give me?”

“It slipped my mind.” Aelin asked Rowan, “Do you remember it?”

“Huh,” he mused while putting the nuggets into the air fryer. “I’m pretty sure it was $1.”

“$1!? But… but in-flay-shun!” Maisie exclaimed, carefully wording the next word as she struggled to pronounce it.

Inflation coming out the mouth of a 5-year-old. What the hell. 

Aelin tried and failed to muffle her laugh into her hand, and Rowan’s eyes bugged out of his skull.

“How on earth do you know what that is?” he asked, wide-eyed.

“Uncle Fen said the Tooth Fairy would give me more money if I said this word,” the little girl said sheepishly.

Of course. Fenrys didn’t bother staying for dinner, but he made sure to bring trouble regardless. 

“You wanna add inflation? Let’s calculate this like adults, then. I’m gonna need a piece of paper for this.”

Maisie ran to fulfill her dad’s request, her little body bouncing with excitement when she came back… with her pink dinosaur-themed magnetic doodle board.

That’d do, he supposed.

“Now, the last time I got a raise because of it—“ not that Maisie would know what inflation is and why it made her parents earn a raise, “I got a 9% adjustment, but I’ll add 10% to yours.”

Wide-eyed, Maisie squealed. “I’ll get $11?”

Under his dead body. Sellene laid a good foundation to stop Maisie and Bree from starting a self-mutilation business because of Tooth Fairy, but he didn’t trust his daughter enough to give her this much. When Maisie has money, she’s no better than Scrooge McDuck.

“No, for you it means more 10 cents. You’ll get $1,1.”

The little girl pouted. “Uncle Fen made it sound nicer.”

“Sorry, hun.” Rowan gave her a sympathetic look. “And you know what other thing adults have in their salaries?”

“What?” Maisie asked, sat on the edge of her stool, hands sprawled on the kitchen island with the hopes to cash in more money.

“Taxes.”

“You wouldn’t,” Aelin cut in, her tone low and disbelieving.

“She wants it the adult way.”

“Rowan Whitethorn, you are not taxing Maisie’s tooth money!”

“Would you listen to me before we—” a pause because his big mouth almost ruined Maisie’s childhood, “before we email Tooth Fairy with the final tooth cash decision.”

With a pinch to her nose, she relented, “Go on, then.”

He continued to Maisie, “I pay about 30% in taxes, but I’ll make yours 20% because your income is lower.”

The little girl frowned, sensing she wasn’t gonna like what was coming next—no tax-paying citizen did.

“And according to my calculations, your after-tax tooth income would be about… 88 cents.”

“WHAT?” Maisie shouted, grabbing the doodle board to see it for herself—not that she’d understand the rates and percentages, but it was indeed pretty infuriating stuff.

“So…” Rowan continued, “You can have the adult way with inflation, or you can take the $1 the Tooth Fairy is offering and let your parents take you out for ice cream when the tooth falls.” A brow raise. “What do you want?”

“The adult way sucks. This is why you have grey hair.”

“Maisie,” Aelin reproached, “that’s not nice.”

The timer beeped, telling him it was time to turn the nuggets in the air fryer. “Let’s go set the table, Mais,” Aelin said while he finished cooking.

The gentle rain outside chilled the mid-spring evening, something about the sound of the water falling against the large glass window adding a cozy factor to their dinner night. 

They would’ve started eating sooner if Maisie hadn’t decided she’d only eat if her plate was the same color as Fleetfoot’s bowl, so it was another five to ten minutes until they found the girl’s lilac plate and the four of them were all set.

Which didn’t make much of a difference for Aelin, since she was practically pushing her food around.

Rowan tapped her foot with his under the table. “You good?”

She wrinkled her nose. “Not great.” A shrug. “Just a bit bloated. The nuggets are great, though.” Aelin said with a weak smile she put on to soothe his worries. His Fireheart knew him well, but he knew her just as well.

“I’m sorry, Mama. Maybe your tummy needs a nap.”

Rowan relaxed his shoulders, melting. Maisie was such a thoughtful little—

“Are you gonna eat all your nuggets?” she asked, eyeing her mother’s plate as if she could eat the whole table on her own. 

Well, she can be exclusively a thoughtful little girl. Right now, she was a thoughtful little girl with ulterior motives.

Aelin’s lips twitched with suppressed laughter. “You do know there’s more in the tray, right?”

“I’m saving them for school tomorrow. Can I eat yours or not?”

Rowan frowned. “Maisie, there’s no need to ration food. We have a full fridge.”

“A full fridge of fruit! Not nuggets,” she said as Aelin gave her two from her plate. The little girl grinned, kicking her feet under the table before she chomped down—

Maisie froze mid-bite, green eyes nearly bulging out of her skull as she sent them a panicked look.

“What happened?”

She grabbed a napkin—thank the gods—and slowly spat the contents of her mouth on it. 

“The nugget yanked my wiggly tooth.”

“That’s…” Rowan grabbed the napkin, smiling at the gross mixture of saliva and chewed food that nestled Maisie’s tiny tooth and its even smaller bloody root. “That’s disgusting, actually. Are you okay?”

She nodded, still looking shocked. “I thought it’d hurt more, but it was just a little pop and it was gone.”

“Good. That’s—“

He looked over at Aelin and saw her wipe off a tear. She cupped both hands and asked, “Can I see?”

Rowan handed over Maisie’s soggy napkin, and Aelin’s laugh trembled with emotion. “So gross.” She rounded the table and hugged her very confused kid, who was still sitting.

“I’m so proud of you, Maisy Daisy.”

“Mom, you’re being weird.” A pause. “Are you sad you didn’t yank it?”

“Nope, not sad at all.” Aelin wiped another tear off with her thumb and kissed her daughter’s forehead. “I’m just a little emotional today. Let me be.”

Aelin wasn’t a crier, but Rowan wasn’t either, and he did unexpectedly tear up on Maisie’s first day of school, leaving his estranged co-parent to awkwardly comfort him outside the classroom. When it came to parenting, he stopped judging a few tears a long time ago.

“Let’s get this ready for Tooth Fairy, shall we?”

Aelin opened an upper cabinet, then another box that was inside it, and retrieved delicate-looking pliers.

“Baby, I didn’t know you were still keeping surgery… things around the house.” He hinted at their old disagreement, not wanting to fight with her in front of Maisie. 

Aelin has a rather unorthodox way to prepare food—one of the reasons why he took over kitchen duties. She might not know how to season and fry the food well, but that woman can cut and debone meat like a pro. Rowan still wasn’t comfortable about having tools designed to cut flesh and bone anywhere near their very mischievous five-year-old—no matter how well Aelin hid them. 

The wave of uneasiness that haunted him today returned—the reminder of how good she is at keeping things hidden when she wants to.

“S’just a Kern Forceps, babe,” she replied with a grin, sprawling her hand over the kitchen island and stabbing it with the instrument, then made a point to show off her unharmed hand to him.

Fine, but this isn’t over, was the message he attempted to send by squinting his eyes at her.

~~

Hours later, he completely forgot to bring it up.

Fleetfoot’s paws against the hall’s wooden floor made Rowan jump, hyper aware of any sounds that came from outside their suite bathroom, where Rowan and Aelin lurked inside, sat on the floor.

Rationally, he knew that the broom that leaned against the outer side of Maisie’s bedroom door—a noise trap—would alert them if she woke up. Still, every noise put him on high alert because of their current, deeply covert activity.

They’d just brushed the two coins with a mixture of detergent and vinegar and rinsed it, now it just needed a bit of polishing and a coat of transparent glitter nail polish to make it look like an authentic Tooth Fairy token.

“Do you think Tooth Fairy would use chunky glitter in her coins? Or you think she’s a subtle-sparkle kind of girl?’ 

He narrowed his eyes at Aelin. “Explain.”

She sighed with such tiredness as if what she’d said was obvious and painted a  sample of each nail polish over a sheet of paper towel. “Our options are: transparent with tiny pink glitter or transparent with silver holographic flakes of glitter.”

“I see…” Rowan hummed thoughtfully, even though he did not see. “Let’s go with… pink.”

When it came to Maisie, pink was always a safe choice–and, as a girl dad, Rowan relied on safe choices.

“I don’t know… I’m just not feeling it with this tiny pink glitter.”

He wondered why she’d even asked. “Of course, I mean…” Rowan took back the sample as if squinting at it would give him any answers. “Well, technically the silvery one has the smaller grooves because the structure allows light to diffract and interfere better. Maybe you think this prismatic iridescence looks more fairytale-ish for the coin?”

Looking up, he faced a heavy-lidded Aelin. She licked her lips. “You know, it’s kinda hot when you remember you have a college degree.”

He grinned and gripped her chin. “I’ll save the dirty talk for later.” He wiggled his brows. “Maybe not.” A gentle, playful kiss. “Maybe you just can’t help yourself around my expertise in optical phys–”

“Alright!” She laughed and wrapped her arms around his neck despite the rude interruption, the softness of her lips spurring his own into action. Four months, and it still struck him stupid every time Rowan took in the fact that he got to old Aelin like this, and the contradiction wasn’t lost in him–how he hadn’t gotten used to being with Aelin, yet she felt like home in such a way that made him feel like both their souls were intrinsically intertwined.

Rowan broke the kiss and bit her lower lip. In retaliation, she nipped the tip of his nose and left a feather-light kiss on his lips. Another. And another. Ever so playful, Aelin left a string of quick pecks that left him chuckling between them, but when she moved to kiss his cheek, he held her face and took hold of the situation.

“I love you.” He was the one to initiate the kiss this time. “I love you so much.”

“Love you.” She held his wrists that cradled her cheeks. “And there’s something I need to tell you.”

When he registered the serious tone in Aelin’s voice, that dark cloud that loomed in his afternoon crept back in.

Rowan’s shoulders slumped, dreading the conversation before them. “I know.”

She reared back. “You know?”

“It’s pretty obvious, don’t you think?”

“It wasn’t obvious to me.” A dark chuckle. “I guess I miss the signs every time, huh?”

Guilt clogged his throat like a rough rock. He looked away and busied his hands with the next task of polishing those two coins, but it didn’t stray his mind from the issue at hand. Aelin had a chronic condition and, as much as she tried to shield her family from it, it was his job to look after her—one he was failing terribly at, despite his efforts.

“Gods!” Aelin got up and left the bathroom, fanning the air in front of her while she ran towards the suite’s open window. Rowan went after her.

His hands were all over her, checking if she was alright. “What happened?”

“Sorry, baby.” She said between slow breaths, a hand on her stomach to steady herself. “I didn’t know that polish would smell so bad.”

“It’s okay. I can do it somewhere else. Or we can not do it. Why would Tooth Fairy’s coins look so shiny with all the traveling she does, anyway?” He kissed her forehead. “This is a symptom too?”

Aelin’s been struggling with nausea as a withdrawal symptom after switching from her previous antidepressant to a new one, and things were looking pretty bad. Maybe strong scents triggered it? 

She nodded. “It is.”

Rowan took a deep, pained breath. “I can’t help but think that the reason behind all this is my fault.”

A snort. “It’s definitely your fault.”

He grimaced. “I’m so sorry, I…” Rowan crossed his arms and looked out the window while he said, “I made something to cheer you up. It won’t make that much of a difference in the big picture, but I hope you’ll… you know… cheer up.”

“Okay.” She ran a hand from his shoulder down his arm, until their fingers were intertwined. “Show me.”

He grabbed the key and led her out of the room into the one they shared a wall with, Fenrys’ old bedroom.

“You made a renovation? Is this why you kept this door locked?” Aelin said, suspicion coating her tone as she studied him with narrowed eyes. 

“It’s not ready yet,” Rowan defended his work before she even saw it, anticipating a poor reaction.

“It’s too soon to even start thinking of a new room, Buzzard.”

She hadn’t even finished moving in, but doing it felt right. He said so to her.

“And before I even told you anything. You were really sure of your… potency, weren’t you?”

“It’s kind of my job to read the signs, isn’t it?” Rowan said as he opened the door and turned the lights on.

Rowan would love to brag and say that he did a full renovation, but it’d be a lie. He’d just emptied most of it out and filled it with things Aelin would appreciate—not that figuring that out was a hard task. A floor-to-ceiling bookcase that took over an entire wall became mandatory ever since Maisie got the idea that a couple of walls at her mother’s house were made of books instead of bricks. Another wall just for books, but this one got interrupted by the window, which he took advantage of to get a dark blue couch and make it a ‘reading nook’, as some folks on the internet call it. Apart from that, he just got a new desk—that matches the bookcases, since Aelin cares about this stuff—and fully emptied out Fenrys’ closet, since Rowan would have to own a total of half a shirt to make the one in the master room fit all of her stuff, from several work uniforms to the cocktail attire she wears once in a blue moon.

Rowan was pointedly not looking at Aelin, and taking a second look at his work could only distract him so much from the fact that she was awfully quiet. Shit. Did he not get enough bookcases? Rowan was afraid that might happen.

When he dared take a look, her expression put him off. Aelin’s eyes looked unusually shiny, and her chin wobbled in a way that sent a jolt of fear through him.

“I got the wrong shade of wood, didn’t I?”

“No! Baby, I love it.” Her chin wobbled. “I love it so much. Everything, really. It’s just…” she quickly dabbed at her eyes with her fingers and cleared her throat. “Sorry, hormones.”

Aelin finally looked him in the eye and said, “I just had other plans for this room.”

“Like what?”

She stared at him like he was the one being unreasonable. “Like a nursery, Rowan.”

In a way, she was right. Eventually, when the time was right, they’d need a nursery. But right now, they had an empty room and a lot of books in need of one. 

“I know.” Rowan squeezed her hand, a flicker of excitement running through him at the mention of his future with Aelin. “But we have time before that.”

“Does less than seven months feel like a long time to you?”

Rowan felt his brows creasing. Less than seven—

His eyes widened.

The speed in which he took a step back to examine the seriousness in Aelin’s expression was nothing compared to his heartbeat’s pace.

“You’re not.” 

“Rowan, you just told me it was pretty obvious—not ten minutes ago.”

“I was talking about depression!”

“Depression!?” 

Rowan paused. Tentatively, he added, “Your depressive episode…?”

“Honey, why on earth would you think I’m depressed?”

“You’ve been so tired.”

She pointed at her lower belly. “Exactly.”

“And you changed all your medication.”

“Exactly!”

Rowan blinked.

Oh, shit.

He took a step back. And another.

“Rowan? Are you alright?”

Not again. He was absolutely not doing this shit again. Blindly, he opened the door behind him.

“Rowan Whitethorn, you are not leaving this room right now. This is so not the response you’re giving me after I tell you I’m preg—“

“Wait. Just—” he gave her a pleading look “—wait a minute. You didn’t tell me anything yet.”

She crossed her arms, eyes hard. “I’m pretty sure I did.”

“You want to trust me with this. You didn’t tell me anything yet. You’ll agree with me when I come back.”

“You have five minutes to put yourself together before I kick you out for the night.” When Aelin checked the time on her phone, her movements were as stiff as her jaw. 

And then he ran. 

First to the garage, where the ladder was. He did stumble over a box or two and made too much noise for the late hour, but Aelin’s clock was running. Then, he took it to their bedroom, thankful that she decided to stay in the spare room for what he was about to do.

Rowan set the ladder next to the curtain and climbed it until he could reach the top. He unscrewed the finial at the very end and checked the curtain pole—more precisely, the jewelry baggie he hid inside it. There, laid the not-so-new possession that could bankrupt a small country—or at least Rowan’s bank account.

After that, he kneeled before the bottom of his closet and retrieved the red velvet ring box, since it didn’t fit inside the curtain rail. Rowan had no idea how Aelin believed him when she learned he was using a fancy jewelry box to keep his spare keys, but he was glad the small white lie worked in his favor.

When you share a closet with someone as clever as his Fireheart, doing a task such as hiding a wedding ring forces the mind to chew through its own skull to gouge out creativity.

Checking his phone, his five minutes were almost out.

Once again, Rowan ran. He yanked the bedroom door open, and took a sharp turn to meet her by the couch where she sat. However, the mix of his speed, spin and fuzzy mind was the perfect combination to send him tumbling towards the ground before he reached her.

“Rowan!” she shouted as soon as his hip hit the floor, standing up to aid him.

“Stay there,” he said with one hand up and another clutching at his side as he sat on the floor, wincing at the bite of pain.

She stood before him as he commanded, but still studied him carefully, watchful. “Does it hurt?”

“It 's nothing.”

“Honey, you need to be more careful. Your bones aren’t getting any stronger at this age.”

A bark of laughter. “Did you just call me old?”

She shrugged. “Just statistics.”

Rowan abandoned his post-fall sitting position and got on one knee, retrieving the small velvet box from his sweatpants’ pocket, heart on his throat.

When he dared to glance at her, Aelin looked exactly the same as she did a second ago—frozen as a picture. Her lack of reaction freaked him out, but it was too late to retreat.

“Aelin,” he started, then swallowed the lump in his throat. He tried again, “My beloved Fireheart…”

Her mind must’ve catched up with her surroundings, because she straightened herself and stared at him expectantly.

Rowan’s mind went blank.

“Is it a surprise that I’ve kept this ring for months, but couldn’t come up with a speech?”

She shook her head to confirm her lack of surprise, giggling, but it was cut short. “Months?” she asked, frowning. “How many months? We’ve been together for four.”

“Fireheart,” he continued and cleared his throat, not willing to answer her. 

His nerves got the best out of him and he let out a frazzled chuckle. “This is so soon.”

“Time’s a social construct, no need to restrict ourselves to that.” Aelin aimed at a joke, but the emotion welled in her close-lipped smile betrayed the levity behind it.

Rowan placed a brief kiss on her knuckles. “I have this… longing for you. It’s soul-consuming, and there’s no time barriers to it. I’ve longed for you since before I met you. I longed for you when you hated me, I long for you every hour you’re not by my side. But right now, even together, ‘longing’ doesn’t even scratch the surface of how I feel about marrying you—which is why I’m beginning to accept that it won’t ever stop. The more this yearning shifted from an emotion I once ran from into one I now cherish, the more certain I became that this longing for you is my fate, Aelin.”

He supported the hand still holding the box on his knee and leaned to grab Aelin’s hand with his free one. With his eyes closed, Rowan summoned the endless reverence he felt and poured it into kissing her knuckles, head bent.

He looked back up and, without releasing her hand, continued, “I might not be the best man you’ll ever find, but I’m the one who’ll try the hardest to do right by you. I love you. All day, every day. I loved you when I couldn’t tell love was right in front of my face—but now that I know it, there’s no limit to what I can give to you, no time I need. Even when this world is a forgotten whisper of dust between the stars, I will love you.”

“Fireheart, will you allow me the honor of becoming your husband, to serve and love you for as long as I live?”

A quick blinking and the slight, soundless motion of her agape mouth were the only tells she was conscious.

The short air supply he was getting was probably the reason behind his lightheadedness. If this stretched for any longer, he might need a heart monitor and a cardiologist before Aelin gave him an answer.

Rowan cleared his throat. “...Please?”

It took a second longer before she snapped awake. “Don’t say that!”

Rowan begged Mala this wasn’t a ‘no’. He might need an ambulance for real.

“Don’t say what?”

“Please!”

“Please what?”

“Don’t say that!”

Rowan frowned. Her cryptic blank expression was easier to understand than this. “Why are you mad?”

“Because of course I’ll marry you! Saying ‘please’ is just—that’s ridiculous.” Aelin said while dropping to her knees before him, then yanked his face to hers and kissed his lips in a near-violent caress. “I—” Another aggressive peck. “—I love you so much. I’ll marry you a million times over.”

Ease came before joy—Rowan’s entire body relaxed. He wished he could give her a post-proposal movie-worthy kiss, but it wouldn’t work with all that relief rushing out of his lungs and mouth right now.

“Good,” he said, nodding. “Good.” While putting the ring on her finger, he joked, “That was just a formality, actually. It’s not like I’m letting you go anywhere, love.”

She laughed. “So possessive.”

“You better think this through, Fireheart. I won’t get any better once I make you my wife.”

She let out a mocking resigned sigh. “I guess I can live with that.”

Aelin’s new reading nook had enough space for one and a half to cuddle, so she led him there, made him lay down first and set herself on top of him. She hovered over him, forearms braced on each of his side, and it only took him half a mind to cup her face and kiss her.

His entire existence narrowed to Aelin, her thighs straddling his and their tongues tangled as his chest heated and melted, overwhelmed with one of the most vital half-hour spans of his life.

Their millionth kiss. The first of the rest of their lives, executed as urgently as if it was their last.

He loved her.

He loved her.

He loved her.

Aelin caressed his cheek and peered at him, eyes shiny and her gorgeous, swollen lips twisted into a watery smile. That look on her face—it made him more silly than any love declaration she could ever make.

They held each other’s gazes in a silent conversation, soliloquies and odes and oaths translated into the flow of photons that passed between them and allowed the conversation between turquoise and pine-green irises.

She stroked his cheek and something caught her eye. Aelin giggled.

“You’re quite the decent jewel shopper, Whitethorn.” She kept smiling at her ring, then laid her head on his chest to comfortably move the diamond on her finger and watch it catch the light. 

Rowan was merely window-shopping wedding rings—a pastime he did to try to resist the urge to buy one when it was soon—when he saw it. An emerald cut diamond, as they call it, with an extravagance in its size that balanced the tastefully minimalistic design. 

“You know I’d marry you if you proposed with a cereal box ring, right? I had my answer ready before you bought this tectonic plate.”

Rowan snorted. And she had the gall to say that he was the dramatic one in this relationship.

This engagement.

Truth was, Rowan knew he didn’t have to—the way he gleefully mangled his savings shocked him more than the price itself.

He’s always had the habit of saving money, but even though it was natural for him, there’s always been plans for it as well. The list grew and changed as Rowan did, going from buying gym supplements—that he hid from his mother—in his teenage years to buying a house once free military housing isn’t an option for him anymore, and it was safe to say that spending so much—an amount that symbolized enormous time and effort from him—into an overpriced stone has never made it into the list.

Until her.

That was just a small one of the several ways Aelin changed his life and worldview.

Rowan kissed the top of her head. “I only care that you’re my wife now.”

“I’m not!” she said, laughing.

“You are. We already agreed to it, and I don’t think letting the government know is more important than that.”

“I’m glad I enjoyed my half-hour engagement, then. Shortest in history, if I had to bet.”

“I told you I’m not good with the timing thing.” Rowan didn’t sound apologetic in the least.

Aelin chuckled and buried her face in his chest, grinning against it. His body was half into cozy mode when she perked up, jumping in a way that she was still side-lying, but now with her forearm supporting her torso raised beside him.

“Oh! There’s something I have to tell you.”

“Okay?” Rowan’s tone portrayed his confusion.

It took her a second as she regarded him while biting her lip before Aelin said, “I’m pregnant.”

His grin was slow and immediate. “By Mala’s embers!” Rowan exclaimed, feigning surprise. And then he decided to just blatantly go with it and added, “What a surprise!”

Aelin threw her head back, her loud cackles filling the room in the most overwhelmingly fulfilling way. 

When she first told him, Rowan felt frustrated he didn’t get to execute the plan of marrying her before getting pregnant again, hence his odd first reaction. However, now he realized how silly that was, even if he still appreciated Aelin pretending to tell him after.

Emotion melted his features into a soft smile. “A really damn good surprise.”

“We didn’t plan for it.”

“We also weren’t actively avoiding it.” A pregnancy so soon was surprising, but Rowan wasn’t about to play dumb. They did treat condoms as an afterthought to the point in which it was just a matter of time. Especially with their frequency, he recalled with no amount of male satisfaction. “Maisie was a surprise too, and having her is pretty amazing, right?”

“Yes,” she said with a chuckle. “And Maisie was a whole different level of unplanned.”

Having a baby (1) with a man she worked with, (2) that she wasn't supposed to be sleeping with, (3) while being in a relationship with another man—Rowan didn’t think a baby could be more unplanned than Maisie, and look at them now.

She hummed. “I might be getting on birth control after this one. I don’t want to be that couple with 11 surprise babies that weren’t really a surprise.”

“Gods,” he cursed while protectively holding her belly. “Will you at least let this one come out before deciding on the sperm cell genocide?”

Aelin’s quivering lips betrayed her seriousness. “I mean it.”

“All right, no 11 kids. Got it,” he agreed, as serious as he could be. “But if you want twelve, I can make it to major before kid #5. That’s a big paycheck, baby.” 

She bumped his nose. “In your dreams, Not-A-Major Whitethorn.”

“You think I’m joking?” he challenged, joking. “Just you wait until the 12th Galathynius-Whitethorn comes and I’m lieutenant colonel. I’ll fit 12 more in my pocket.” 

Aelin leaned down to kiss him, but it got messy due to their laughing, so they resigned to a few pecks.

“I love you,” she said, placing a trail of kisses on his lip, cheek and nose.

“I love you.” Rowan tilted her face and kissed her thoroughly now that the mood had sobered. “And two or twelve, you call the shots.”

She raised her brows. “I never thought I wouldn’t.”

Mala forbid a man tries to show some support.

A loud clatter echoed over the silent house, alerting both of them, and it sounded a lot like the broom they placed outside Maisie’s door as a noise trap.

A softer, squeaky sound followed, the confirmation they needed—the typical sound of a door hinge that was purposefully left unoiled.  

Maisie was awake.

Both of them jumped off the couch to find Maisie in the hallway, right outside their bedroom. 

“Did you have a bad dream, Mais?” Rowan asked.

She looked between their bedroom door and the spare room’s, likely confused about their location, but she had more pressing matters to discuss.

“Tooth fairy is late.”

Shit. Between a new baby and the proposal, he completely forgot about it.

“Maisie,” Aelin warned in her soft mom tone. “Were you trying to catch Tooth Fairy?”

“No,” the little girl blatantly lied.

Rowan walked into her room and found a stolen Alexa from the kitchen. When he opened his phone to check the history? A request to be woken up in the middle of the night.

“Tooth Fairy isn’t late, you wanna know why?” Aelin asked their sheepish-looking daughter. “When she visits kids, she starts with the ones who don’t make a fuss when it’s time to brush their teeth—and you, Maisie Whitethorn, are at the very bottom of the list.” 

The little girl’s eyes widened, as she probably reconsidered the last five and a half years of her life—or whatever she could remember of it.

“But she’ll still come tonight, right?”

Aelin regarded their overeager daughter and softened. “Of course she will,” she confirmed with the satisfaction of someone who not only got away with their own slip, but also turned it into a learning opportunity for Maisie.

Evil genius.

He couldn’t wait to marry her.

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[miss0atae]

Random Thoughts about The Next Prince (EP 2): Father-Son relationship and identity crisis.

There is much to say about the latest episode of The Next Prince. I want to focus on the identity crisis Khanin is actually living right now. Obviously it comes first from the discovery of being the heir of a royal family from another country. Until now, Khanin had no idea about his royal lineage. He knew he had Emmalian origin because his step-father was from this country, but I think from what we've seen, Khanin never really saw himself as Emmalian. He didn't face blurred lines of cultural identity, intellectual divide or not having a sense of who he is (as far as we've seen from his flashbacks). Khanin was raised with Emmalian culture at home because his step father taught him the language, he ate traditional food from the country and learned about the history of Emmaly. I also think his interest in fencing was probably inspired by his father who wanted him to know how to do it because it's a famous sport in Emmaly, at least for royalty (and something he may have to use to fight for the throne later in the story). Outside home, I believe Khanin grew up like any other English children. However, I think this is going to be a challenge when he is back in Emmaly.

This idea is reinforced by the comment Ramil made to Ava after their fencing session. One can know how to speak well or know the traditional and cultural aspects of the country, but if you were raised, at one point, outside of the country, some part of them will still not be fully understandable for you. I believe this is something that some children face when they visit or go back to live in the country where their parents came from. Despite Prince Chana's statement to Prince Rachata that Ava and Ramil are friends because they knew each other from childhood, I still think Ramil views himself as "better" for two reasons. Firstly, he is a man (and it puts him first on the succession to the throne) and secondly he was born and raised in Emmaly. Obviously, when Khanin is going to compete with them, this is going to be an issue. I don't know how they will represent it, but Khanin will have to find his place. While it is going to be a time of challenging thoughts and emotions for our main character, his identity crisis can also be a time of positive personal growth and change. As long as he keeps around him trusting people, he will be able to overcome the inherent challenges of his identity crisis. No doubts, Charan will be essential for this, as he is the only person he can rely on.

However, most importantly, I believe the identity crisis, Khanin is facing comes from the knowledge that he now knows his father isn't his biological father, but someone who was tasked to protect and to raise him. There is a very strong bond between Khanin and his step-father. He was raised with love and learning that it may just have been a job for him is putting Khanin into a very complicated turmoil of emotions. It is reinforcing the identity crisis he is feeling, on top of having to escape assassination and being a prince. I believe he is feeling betrayed more by discovering Thatdanai isn't his biological father, than discovering he is in fact a prince. It is shattering his core beliefs. I think the father-son relationship is a very important narrative in this series. As Khanin was raised in a single parent's home his personal construction of beliefs was influenced by his father. So now that Thatdanai isn't his real father, who is he? I hope the story will give Khanin the time to accept that you don't need to be biologically related to feel like you're a family. I wonder how he will react when he is going to meet his real father. Will he have an instant bond with him (which I don't think will happen) or will he reject him? How will it affect his relationship and view of his step-father? I'm glad Charan comforted him when Khanin voiced his fear about the fact he maybe have never been loved by his step-father. He told him that as for what he has seen Thatdanai truly loves Khanin. This belief will be essential for Khanin to be able to bounce back.

I truly hope Thatdanai isn’t dead yet and will reappear when needed to give Khanin the force he needs to overcome the upcoming challenges in Emmaly. As for his biological father, I want to see them slowly build a good relationship. It will never truly be the same as the bond Khanin has with Thatdanai, but it will probably help him learn more about his family and himself. It’s part of the journey Khanin needs to take to be able to overcome his identity crisis.

[thestarsaboveme]

this was a request from a kind anon.

summary: reader who really likes horror movies.

rafayel | zayne | sylus | caleb

xavier x reader | fluff

The screen flickers in the darkened living room, casting long shadows over the blanket you've wrapped yourself in. The volume is low, hut how you like it when rewatching a horror movie for the sixth time. No, seventh? So you can better hear the scrawl of your pen in your notebook.

Well ''notebook'' might be generous. It's a Frankenstein monster of paper and tape, post-its and torn film pamphlets, a few dried flower petals. From Midsommar night, you tell people. Xavier had looked…concerned. And at least one coffee stain shaped suspiciously like that one slashers mask you had seen a couple nights ago.

Xavier lounges on the far end of the couch, legs stretched out, one arm draped along the back. He's watching you, not the screen.

''Alright,'' he murmurs, voice deep and velvety in the low light, ''what's the kill count now?''

You glance up with a distracted smile, flipping a page filled with messy annotations and a crude sketch of the film's main set. ''Four so far, but technically it's five if you count the dog. And I do. You have to count the dog.''

He chuckles under his breath. ''Of course.''

''Also, okay, listen,'' you shift to face him fully, your chunky book resting open on your lap, ''the director, knew what he was doing with that mirror shot. It's not just for cheap tension. It's a metaphor.''

''For…?''

''For the fractured self! The protagonist is literally split between who they think they are and the monster they might become. It's so good. You can see it in the way the lighting shifts every time they walk past a reflective surface. It's subtle, but intentional. I have notes on the cinematographer's techniques somewhere in…wait…'' You begin flipping pages rapidly.

Xavier leans over slightly, eyes scanning the mass of scribbled ink, ticket stubs, and what might be a grocery list that says ''garlic (not vampire-related, real-life needs) in bold letters.

''You know,'' he says softly, with the kind of fond amusement that makes your heart thump, ''you ramble about murder and psychological horror with the same tone most people use to talk about puppies.''

You freeze. ''Is that…weird?''

''No.'' His answer was instant, gentle. ''It's you.''

You blink.

''Besides,'' he adds, reaching to tug a yellowed corner of a loose page back into the notebook, ''I think it's kind of adorable, how much you care about the craft. The way your eyes light up when you explain things. It's…warm.''

You look at him, and for a moment the only sound is the TV. ''Even when I talk about dismemberment theory in Hereditary?''

He smiles. ''Especially then.''

A beat.

''I can keep going?'' you ask, hopeful.

He tilts his head back against the couch and closes his eyes like he's listening to a lullaby. ''I'm all ears.''

And so, you do. You ramble about camera angles symbolism, quote obscure interviews, compare thematic motifs across horror eras. All while your chunky little notebook rests between you like a bridge, pages fluttering like wings. Xavier doesn't interrupt. He just listens, smiles, and once in a while, adds a quiet, ''Tell me more.''

In that quiet room, between shadows on screen and the soft hum of your voice, Xavier finds something scarier than any movie.

He's falling. And he doesn't want to stop.

[typingtess]

Kensi found Nell alone in Ops. "Hey, I wanted to apologize. You and Eric shouldn't have had to do couples therapy with me and Deeks. Not that we're a couple or anything."

"You're living together in a high risk undercover operation. I'm sure everything was all amped up."

"Like Deeks's neat-freakery."

"Neat-freakery?"

"He was dusting the bedroom ceiling with a microfiber cloth on the top of a broom. Said he wanted a clean sleeping space. I mean, who dusts their ceiling?"

Nell dusted her ceilings once or twice a year and anytime there were fires near her place but she let Kensi continue her solo end of couples therapy. It was endlessly interesting.

"But I don't want to talk about Deeks and his issues," Kensi said, still wanting to talk about Deeks's need for clean. "Your dating profile…"

"Yeah, I don't want to talk about that."

"I had one."

"You're a field agent, an undercover operator. How…"

"Fake name. Didn't work, Deeks found it. It was about when you joined the team."

"It's just hard to meet people here. My work legend says I'm in television news. But in LA, if you work in television, you're not a prospective date, you're a contact in getting someone their dream news job."

"Yeah, Hetty made me a studio publicist. I was getting asked to pass along headshots on second dates."

"It's not just wanting to date – though I'd like to meet someone nice. I'd just like to meet people. I've been here over six months but outside of the people here at the office, I know my neighbor to say hello and the guy at the Mini dealership who sold me my car."

"I know the feeling. When I moved here a couple of years ago, I'd drive down on the weekends to Pendleton and visit my friends. Some of my college friends wound up in LA over the last two years but I just started doing things."

"Like what?"

"I found a hiking group. We go someplace one a month. A few people go every month, most people are in and out. We're going week after next if you're looking to meet some different people. School teachers, accountants, lawyers, the woman who runs it is a nurse so there is always someone who knows what to do if there is a medical issue."

"Have there been medical issues?"

"Trip and falls, poison oak – nothing major but nice to know if you get a scratch, she has some stuff in her fanny pack."

"Bro bag."

"Yeah, let's not ever use that term again." Kensi chuckled. "Come hiking. Because a lot of the people are the hike are busy professional types, we start around 8:30AM Saturday morning. We'll be done around noon."

"That's a quick hike."

"Sharon, the lady who started the group, had teenagers when she started this. She needed a few hours of 'Sharon-time' while her husband drove them to different sporting events. 8:30AM seemed like a good way for a big fancy law firm lawyer or television executive to get some of their own time and then go back to their busy life."

"Or a busy NCIS Agent."

"Or a busy NCIS Agent. I take my phone with me – I'm one of the few actually – but so far we've never been called in. It's just a nice way to clear my mind after being undercover or giving a deposition for case."

"Sounds nice."

"If I'm not to sweaty, I find someplace to have a nice sit-down lunch. More head clearing. I throw a book in my car so I'll read a little while the food is being made. You and I can grab a bite after the hike. Just talk about silly stuff."

"Sounds really nice but I don't know."

"It is fun. We're going through the old LA Zoo at Bee Rock. If have a decent camera, there are some really scenic views. Nice people on the trail – Sharon has a strict no-assholes policy."

"And most dating sites don't have a strict no-assholes policy."

"True."

"Let me think about it. No, you know what, I'll be there. Do I need to sign up or anything?"

"I'll send you the link. Just first names so you don't have to worry and I ran a background check on Sharon, she's legit – pediatric nurse at UCLA."

"Some world live in where we're running background checks on women tending to sick children."

"I'm coming off a case where the cranky old guy across the street was a decades old Russian deep cover spy. Trust but verify."

Eric walked into Ops. "Hi, do we have a case?"

"No, just talking about the cranky old Russian spy next door," Nell said to Kensi with a smile.

"You never know," Kensi stood and made her way to the door. "And for the record, Deeks is a total neat freak."

NCIS Los Angeles

S03 ep22 Neighborhood Watch

Poor Nell...

[lotus--pond]

something I very much admire about bek's characters is their ability to be upset and angry in a way that while it may make the audience upset, it is fitting for their characters and ultimately makes sense from their pov

like: (using the bound guys as examples I'm sure there were times with Ari but I did not follow her lore as closely)

Sylph was very upset with Vast after she took his magic. and he had every right to be. Because, yes, while the audience understands that there was nothing she could have done because she was poisoned and could not have fought back, Sylph doesn't and unlike the audience, Sylph was permanently stripped of such a core part of himself and not only that, but part of his safety.

If the island fell, he wouldn't have been able to do anything, if he needed to get away from something he would have been basically helpless against another avian. and in a world and situation like his where the avicane was around and being a constant danger, that's fucking terrifying. And even if someone pursuing him couldn't fly, because of how weak his legs are, he's also at a severe disadvantage.

so yeah, I love Vast and I understand why she had to do what she did, more of her thought process, background that influences her decisions, and the whole context of the relationship between her and Viviana, but Sylph does not. I also understand that what she did harmed Sylph in such an intrinsic way that even if there was no worse option, that didn't mean what she did was good. Didn't mean that she was automatically forgiven or stripped of all responsibility.

and even recently with Vesper, her being distrustful of Aura, while it is obviously not true because we have audience privileges and can see from so many characters individual POVs, makes sense for her character.

she's been shown to be distrustful and not-particularly nice when Ev isn't around. She's also refusing to believe that there isn't a way off this planet. So when Aura says that their ship got pulled in by the gravity spike not only does that sound implausible because of what they know about Rionear and Rionear ships, but its scary because that means that the forces pulling them into this planet may as well be unstoppable with their current means. (I think it was mentioned in passing by Aura that the Cassion was running on an experimental core, which is why it wasn't able to get out of the gravity spike but my memory is shit so don't quote me)

Because if a Rionear ship with a starcore couldn't outrun it, how were they going to build a ship from scratch that could? Especially when most of the people there have no idea how to even start building a ship.

and (props to that other post where I talked about this I forget the name of the person but they were bringing up a good point like this) Vesper doesn't hold high opinions of many others (with the exception of Ev) and knowing Rionear ships she assumes Rionear should be confident and secure because they have like. the fastest ships. But Aura is not confident nor secure, and that seems strange to her.

And she's not wrong that aura is hiding something, she's just wrong about what star is hiding. She thinks they have this master plan or are hiding their true personality or crashed here on purpose, when in reality star is trying to hide Navi to keep it safe.

And star believes starself to be lying, star believes star is doing this and being nice and doing favors for people to bargain for protection for star and Navi. Which also probably makes Vesper think star is lying.

was Vesper in the right to go about it the way she did? no, she was being very rude and mean. Does it make sense knowing only what she knows? yes.

in both cases, is it upsetting? yeah. we know characters on all sides of the argument and have the full context of their lives and personalities and situations. Is it simultaneously fitting character wise? yes.

idk I just think its neat

[valevntine]

tw: grief, death/loss

hi, i'm not sure if this is going to be posted. i've written it again and again, over and over, debating whether it was too much or not. i hope it isn't. this is deeply personal and you're more than free to skip it. i'm doing this more for myself than anything else, but i also hope that if someone here is going through the same thing, they will then find comfort in my words. <3

many of you might celebrate mother's day today, like me. i've lost my mum almost 5 years ago, and ever since then this day has been a slap to the face i dread arriving. every year i try to do a little something to make myself feel better and to actually talk about her instead of bottling it all up like i always do, so here i am.

not too long i ago i came upon this podcast pedro was invited to, he talks about the loss of his own mother (30min mark). i don't know why i never stumbled upon it before, i just know that the first time i heard him, what he said felt so eerily familiar.

my mum also left during the summer. it was an incredibly crucial period for me, full of important changes. the morning after it was such a beautiful day out, we had been out of quarantine for not too long so a lot of people were in the streets. i cannot begin to explain how odd it all felt: seeing the world continue spinning, everyone's life going on while it felt like mine stopped. i think that was the lowest point i could hit, there's no experience as isolating as the loss of a parent.

afterwards, it felt like everything bloomed, and i feel selfish for saying it. i got accepted into art school, able to finally study what i preferred and to pursuit my dreams of becoming a full time artist. i met wonderful people who i'm incredibly grateful for - they made me realise i'm not as unlovable or unimportant as i thought, i am worth loving and i deserve affection too. i expressed myself without fear of judgement, i grew, i slowly built a version of me i was beginning to like. i feel so happy and accomplished now, it comes with guilt.

i often wonder what would have happened if i didn't get to experience grief at such a young age. because yes, i was 18, but i wasn't done being my mother's baby, i wasn't done being her daughter. i didn't need to grow up yet, not in that way. was it actually a lesson? or was it just cruel, and we, she, didn't deserve it? is it me believing in silly things or is she somehow still here?

but when i visit other cities and find her name written on the walls, i feel her here. she's in my morning coffee, it's the same as the one she made for herself each day. she's in the way i make my bed, she's in every cake i bake. she's in every tulip, in every butterfly. she's in my features every time i look in the mirror, because how lucky am i to be sharing her face, the most beautiful one i've ever seen and the only thing i have left of her. she's in every smile i sport when i get a picture taken, in every "you look just like her". she's in my memories, in my thoughts and dreams, because those transcend time and death. she's here because i am here and as long as i'm here she will always live through me, through all that she taught me and that i will pour out for her.

grief doesn't leave, you just learn to grow around it. it will find you randomly on sunny days, on sleepless nights, in cities across the world, in recipes from your childhood and in the shampoo aisle. grief is weird, every emotion is valid, let yourself feel it all.

and happy mother's day to all the mums on here! you're fantastic 🫶🏻

ti amo mamma, so much it hurts 🤍🌷

[iguessitsjustme]

Pit Babe 2 Ep 2 Thoughts

I have had a week. No idea what happened this week but Monday after work, I lost all of my energy. Literally not an ounce of energy in my body. Then came the migraines. God. But I'm better now! Just in time for Pit Babe. God bless. Not only do I have the energy to liveblog, it feels like all of the energy that I didn't have earlier this week has slammed into my body. So while not guaranteed, there is a possibility that I am super chatty this episode. As always, under the cut:

I fucking love this theme song. I doubt I will be skipping it the way I do with most theme songs.

Unrelated but I went to the store on my lunch because I desperately needed groceries and I wanted bananas but they only have bunches of eight bananas. I am one person. How the fuck am I supposed to eat eight bananas? The odds of me making banana bread in the next week is high. But the bananas are currently staring at me. Just sitting there. All eight of them. Staring. 

Obligatory "Is Chris Lee the new pope" comment before the theme song ends. I have been LIVING seeing all of that on my dash the past few days. Absolutely living. It's possibly what restored my energy.

The X Hunter boys proving that Superman's Clark Kent disguise wouldn't work. They see Chris with glasses and go "That's Way! But with glasses!" Despite it not being Way (at least not proven yet).

One point for the doppelganger theory

Babe you were THERE. Way died in your arms. Did it not seem like a straightforward death then? One that needs to be questioned? I am genuinely asking. It has been a year since I watched it and I do not remember.

Okay I didn't mention it last week in my liveblog because I was too busy thinking about other things but like. Chris said that he never met Way. How did he know Way though? Like how did he know Way existed? Did someone tell him that he looked like Way? But they didn't warn the people likely to be startled by it? How does Chris know of Way even if they never met? So Chris might not be lying but they weren't paying attention to what he actually said.

Sonic you're not only breaking North's heart, you're also breaking mine. Come back here and explain to me why you hate me and want me dead? Look me in the eyes and tell me why I must suffer like this. Oh also be nice to North and go get food with him my god. Then go kiss his face. Is that too much to ask?

I'm sorry. Is this a magical bar where you don't need to say the NAME OF THE DRINK YOU WANT? They just KNOW? What special alpha power is that? Do they only serve one type of alcohol? Boy what do you WANT (other than Pete and to be A Problem)

Sure okay yeah. I believe him. I trust him 100%

Babe trying (and succeeding) to make Charlie jealous is adorable.

Ah back to Tony.

Oh Kenta baby. You've come so far.

This was very sexy of him actually.

Oh don't hit Kenta.

Is Sonic the plant? Is that not really Sonic? Is that why he was being EVIL AND CRUEL and breaking my North's heart?

Oh this is the same music that was playing during Willy's "Tick Tick Tick Tocks"....interesting. Very interesting.

Whoever put Kenta in that shirt, thank you for your service.

Did they miss Dean when they shot at him? How'd he get here? Anyway god bless this show. Everything happens all of the time.

Yay Dean's back! What could possibly go wrong?

I am obsessed with him

Hear me out Babe. Just hear me out. Poly. Date him AND Charlie.

Okay Babe listen to me. If you won't listen to the poly then listen to this. The way to deal with Willy is to not meet him on his level. Stop trying to one-liner him. Just be like "Okay whatever you say." Indifference. Not superiority. Indifference is how you leave this situation. But you are gonna get yourself into an even bigger situation now aren't you?

Babe's gonna end up going home with Willy because of that dumb bet. Charlie is gonna kill him. We don't even need to worry about what Tony is gonna do. Because Babe will not be surviving this race.

Oh thank god Babe won. But I think Willy let him win. Cannot explain why.

This is the WRONG thing to be saying at this particular moment my guy

Babe is gonna die by Charlie's hands when all he had to do was USE HIS WORDS

SEX IS NOT A REPLACEMENT FOR GOOD COMMUNICATION GUYS.

But I hope they never change.

On the stairs?? When will someone think of their BACKS? God I am too old to be watching this. I am in PAIN and I am not the one having sex on the stairs. Oh their backs. Their knees.

This was truly fascinating to watch because Babe accidentally created all of Charlie's insecurities with his teasing earlier this episode. Really just watched the whole thing be created and develop in real time.

Oh poor baby Jeff. Someone help him.

Nothing in the soundtrack really caught my attention this week but if you want me to do a brief analysis on anything, just ask. If not then I will do another analysis next week for episode 3.

[wisgoat]

Listen, while my target audience is older and I generally don't want to interact with anybody under the age of 21, I know I have many people in my audience who are younger than 21, I will not block you unless you're under 18 in which case you really need to find a space for yourself!!! I generally dont want to be getting into any sort of relationship beyond acquaintance/mutual with you (if ur under the age of 21), i think im just much older and we are on such different maturity levels that i think i dont want to be talking with you for any extended period of time.

I would like to talk about abusers and grooming, I've been sexually assaulted at the age of 14, I was groomed into it and it has caused me immeasurable amount of trauma that even 11 years later I'm untangling it.

Grooming is not synonymous with pedophilia, grooming is a process that makes you comfortable and makes you feel safe ignoring the red flags abusers display, it is understandably linked and associated in the popular linguistics because children and teenagers are the groups most affected by manipulation, they are not equipped through years of experience and their brains are still cooking and learning, which is why abusers often like to target young people, double so if they are a victim of previous abuse!!! A lot of the grooming and abuse they experienced is so hard to properly unlearn. The abusive manipulative behaviors can be seen as normal by victims because that's what they grew to learn is love!!!!

So what I want to say, especially to people under 21, if someone tells you how mature for your age you are, if someone constantly guilt trips you and tells you how you are an adult and you should act your age, if someone is extremely jealous about you and demands you to stop talking to peers your age, if someone is constantly dismissing your feelings, dictates when and why and if you're allowed to feel sad or hurt, if your mistakes constantly get brought up to the top and are used every time your partner hurts you and you're angry at them, if someone guilts you into sending them sexually charged pictures, if someone tells you to get off the internet or tries to cut you off any sort of support group, you need to reevaluate your relationship.

Those are all red flags I have lived through and experienced myself, and it is NEVER your fault someone hurts you like this, it is NEVER your fault your partner yelled at you, it is NEVER your fault your partner made you cry and hurt you, never let your partner flip the situation on you or distract you and deflect when you bring up your concerns. Those are all things predators and abusers do to manipulate you into submission, once they convince you that you are a horrible person and how their help is the only way to be redeemed and saved they will be able to solicit anything out of you, and it is not your fault, you're a victim of abuse. You're not responsible for saying yes when you really wished you said no, your abuser wants you to feel like a liar who tricked them into abusing you. The reality is you felt too threatened to say no, and you were manipulated into consent.

Abusers will often ruin your reputation to further isolate you from help, use all your breakdowns and every time you lashed out as justification of what they did to you, demanding proof, demanding for you to apologize. If the things they did to you happened and you know what happened, they happened. People don't just make up or hallucinate the abuse they went through, this is called gaslighting. It is used to deflect the consequences and to punish you for speaking up. Don't let them, always talk with your friends, peers, parents anybody about what's happening to you. The shame of being groomed and abused is going to hurt, we like to believe we are infallible but I promise you, friends are not enemies, the biggest fear a manipulator has is to be seen publicly in front of everyone as exactly what they are and no matter how much they harass you, you need to speak up, you need to tune them out, disregard their crocodile tears and the guilt tripping attempts at pity, all the health scares are meant for you to feel guilty for being mad at someone so hurt by life. But this just doesn't matter. you need to choose your self preserverance no matter what and not stray from that path for even a second. Don't give your abuser any ground, don't respond to their accusations letting them dredge it up forever and ever, you are a victim and you need help, support and care no matter how bad you were to your abuser. Don't let them kill you, please.

[fandomsmadness]

Lost my old account so repost of

TBHX episode 3 rant

AND I'M NOT EVEN BOTHERING TO TRY TONE DOWN SPOILERS IT'S IMPOSSIBLE

We're opening with a question that I honestly feel is very pertinent as we go on because

Is any hero in this world actually happy being a hero?

Truly, so far it's literally on the verge of being too on the nose with the dire warnings. Yes, they all hate it, understandably and justifiably so. But is there no hope? Do we as an audience resign ourselves to watching this happen to Lin Ling as Nice? Give up before it even begins?

But while we ponder on this, let's move on to the rest of the episode and the absolute scene stealer duo of the entire thing:

The most striking part is when I saw this moment initially there was a split second of gloom and doom where I thought there's a distance that can't be reached across, it's only a matter of time now. Boy let me tell you, I have rarely been this unhappy to be right.

The week's commentary on how we boil down an idol to just one personality/trait and how this imposes expectations and pressure to live up to only that trait is showcased so well through Firm Man. It also highlights, very aptly, how any narrative (true or not) that goes against public perception is squashed and ridiculed.

Wolf Girl requires a separate post and that's over here.

But there's also now an emerging trend in tbhx of heroes being known, truly known, only by their nemesis. Wreck and Wolf Girl were the two people who truly understood the heroes they 'opposed,' including the burdens they carried and the darkness inside of them. They were, ironically, the only ones who saw heroes as multifaceted humans, not god-like beings. And given the ending of this episode, this presents a very obvious setup for God's Eye, whose name isn't subtle at all, and he's already threatening to reveal "Nice" to the world.

Speaking of Nice, he's still at rank 15 and only reaches 10 in this episode. Which means...the character we've been watching and crying over this entire time was Lin Ling?

I'm going to need a moment to process this really.

Where and how else is the pecking order different from what we know? What other surprises lie in wait? The repetition of the above line makes me think Nice is not going to be nice for much longer.

Other minor details that keep nagging at me:

What was up with this very deliberate positioning? Yes the OCD sure but personally I don't think that was all of it. It looked like he subconsciously also broke the fourth wall.

I also quite like this new narrative gimmick, for no particular reason at all except it's amusing to see Lin Ling stumble his way through life and expressions.

Lastly, CAN THEY STOP ENDING EPISODES ON CLIFFHANGERS???

[darcyfangirlsfrequently]

Live reactions to CM S18 ep1

AHHHHHHHHHH FINALLY IT'S TIMEEEEE MY HANDS ARE SHAKING

Starting off the season with a trigger warning is CRAZY we really aren't playing around

Oooh tricking the police into helping you get the guy into your car. smart.

CONCENTRATED HELLO KITTY I'M CRYING

AHHH THERE THEY ARE THEY'RE BACK ON MY SCREEEEEEN

Emily only introducing half the team is still weird to me

"Can you stop him?" * The Look * AHHHH WE'RE SO BACK

TYLER BADGEEEE (surprising absolutely no one lol)

the way I say the back of Tyler's head and immediately thought it was Luke---

"Trainee" AHHH I'M SO EXCITED FOR THIS DYNAMIC

LUKE QUIZZING HIM. BEING THE MENTOR. THE STUDENT BECOMING THE TEACHER. THE NEWBIE IS THE EXPERIENCED GUIDE AHHHHHH

Luke are you aware chairs exist??? Do you ever NOT sit on desks?

And again. Putting Luke and Tyler in near IDENTICAL outfits is crazy work and the costume dept. knows what they're doing.

JJ and Luke quizzing him I'm so excited I'm SO excited I'm loving this so much

"Are you kidding me with that?" LUKE 🤣🤣🤣

he just casually has a dagger??? Also get your foot off JJ's desk

JJ and Luke just looking at each other like "awww that's so cute"

Rossi maaaaaaaaaaaaaad

I'm glad Luke asked Tyler to define OPR bc I also want to know haha

So while yes I absolutely believe Rossi set up Voit's attack in prison that audio clip proves nothing other than Rossi giving him a head's up that he was in danger

PENELOPEEEE HI BABYGIRL YOU LOOK SO GOOOOOD

"You're here again" Penelope how often do you go to visit him??

JJ really looks so GOOD with straight hair

TARAAAA HI GIRL YOU LOOK SO GOOD

Wait... Will is still alive? We have to watch him die? Oh god

aerosolized fentanyl is a THING???

The way they're all bouncing off each other and figuring things out WE ARE SO BACK IT'S SO GOOD

I'm curious. Are these people who can't swim? is there smth weighing them down? why don't they try to swim to the edge of the pool to get out? Obviously he would still kill them but why don't they at least TRY??? Even if they were still drugged I think they would have the wherewithal to try

Poor Emily istg sometimes her job is making toddlers go down for their nap

Luke getting his smart boy moments!! Yay!!

AHHHH LUKE'S SMILE WHEN HE SEES PENELOPE THROUGH THE WINDOWWWW

"It is not demure or mindful" NO NOT THAT TREND 🤣

Penelope stop saying "yo"

Luke's soft little smile at her when they're all in her office spying on people. Secret Dating Garvez is SO REAL (yes I am still on my bullshit about that and I always will be)

Is Luke just... eating a lollypop? and more importantly did he get it from his gf Penelope

Yes indeedy!!!

I'm loving this friendship between Luke, Tyler, and Penelope as a trio I really am. And yes I think it's a product of Luke and Penelope feeling so secure in their relationship that they have no issues with being around and working with her ex-situationship

I know JJ was DYINNNNN to ask Pen about the luke/tyler situation

WOAAHHHH THE WHOLE FAMILY??

Not us getting the most Luke information we've ever gotten at once from his fucking DOG TAGS. We now know his blood type (O-) and that he still identifies as catholic

"Well... that's where I come in" YES IT IS BBG

Luke dear god the smiles each time you LOOK at her...

first look at the unsub!!

Oh he has a gun! Well that answers my question about why they don't try to escape.

What I want to know is: why these people? how does he make these selections?

ooh wait unrelated to everything but I bet the reason there's the scene this episode (i'm pretty sure) where Penelope is crying to luke "he thinks empathy is a sin" is bc she's talking to him about why she goes to visit Voit

Emily and Rossi playing "clue" 🤣🤣🤣

AHHH IT'S THE LIGHT BLUE LONG SLEEVE WHICH MEANS IT'S GARVEZ TIMEEEE

ohhh he's pissed

I WAS RIGHT FUCKING CALLED ITTTT

"I remember you taking off your glasses. It's how I knew you were serious." I can't with them he loves her so much he can just read her he knows her so well

"I don't see anything but I believe that you believe it." I literally cannot with how soft he is with her

HIS HAND IS ON HER LEG HIS HAND IS ON HER LEGGGGGG

AND SHE TOUCHED HIS HANDDDDD

secret dating garvez is SO real

"you know i never got heartburn before i met you" is that 50yo speak for "I love you but you stress me out" like how did he manage to say that SO romantically

"Can you run more than one search at a time?" he says with a fond smile that says he knows that she ABSOLUTELY can

"Science says asking a dumb question makes you less cute" WHAAAAAAT THE FUCK???? AND THEN HE POKED HER SHOULDER???

And then there's the almost cheek/head kiss we saw in the sneak peek. still mad he didn't give her a smooch but the rest of the stuff in this scene is making it very easy for me to get over it

Tyler's little grin when Luke says "you too." He's like "yay! i get to go do a big boy job!"

The mom trying to help her daughter stay alive as long as possible 😭😭😭

Oh my god them using the corpse of their husband/dad as a float to stay alive...

NO OMG THE CORKSCREW TO CUT A HOLE YESSS

No the unsub saw and the mom is shot 😭😭😭

Tyler using his dagger to open the cover!!!!!

@lklvz @mortalscience on a scale from 1-10 how insane were you when Luke dove into the pool and got soaking wet bc of it

I was like "why does luke have his jacket on all of a sudden..." oh. it's her dead husband taking her with him to heaven I see

OH SHE LET GO SHE'LL LIVE YAY

For any of y'all who said greencia was gonna happen again... fat chance with him being in Alabama.

*flash forward ten years later* Tyler rejoins the BAU and they're ALL still there. even rossi.

although the 10yr rule didn't apply to Reid, Garcia, JJ I think, even Luke since he only became an SSA when he joined the BAU

*sigh* penelope's gonna close that door and he's gonna kill the nurse isn't he

Yupppp called it

That was such a good fucking episode I can't even holy shit

[icewindandboringhorror]

(also feel free in the tags to clarify Why you made the choice you made!! :0c)

[beastblade69]

well that's fucking awesome. all of the damage russians have done to our electric infrastructure can be repaired in one year minimum. IT'S GONNA TAKE MORE TAHN ONE YEAR TO REPAIR ALL OF THE ELECTRIC STATIONS RUSSIANS HIT WITH THEIR MISSILES. AND WE AIN'T EVEN TALKING ABOUT CIVILIAN OR ANY OTHER INFRASTRUCTURE. ONLY ELECTRIC ONE. MORE THAN ONE YEAR. AND WE ARE STILL NOT STRUGGLING ENOUGH IN ONLINE PEOPLE'S OPINION. FUCK OFF